Life In the Fast Lane

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It seems that just about everything in this world is geared toward instant gratification.

Want love and a meaningful relationship? It’s only a click away.

Want to be thinner and more attractive? Take this pill.

Want to look younger and eliminate the signs of aging? There’s an injection for that. (Nevermind that botox is a botulinum toxin, a complex protein produced by a bacteria whose effect is as toxic as food poisoning.)

You see where I’m going this, right? …  We equate anything that takes time as being slow & inefficient.

The reality is that most things that are of good quality take time.

Meaningful, healthy relationships take time to form.

Losing weight takes dedication to making good choices over time.

Even our own human life cycle is made to evolve over time.

So often, when we are making changes in our lives, we want to see results instantly. That’s what we’re accustomed to. When we don’t see the results right away, we get discouraged and think that what we’re doing must not be right and we try something else. When, in fact, the problem lies in our expectations and the pace at which we are moving.

My friend, Holley Gerth uses the metaphor of cycling with her husband. She’ll get on the bike and go at full speed almost instantly. Her enthusiasm and the momentum just take over & away she goes. But half way into the ride, she finds herself tired and out of breath. If she had only paced herself, that would not be the case.

We can do just about anything for short periods of time. The real test comes when the newness & our enthusiasm wear off  and the momentum fades. Our lives are like those bike rides that Holley takes. Full of hills and valleys, ups and downs. Take your time. Set your pace and be mindful that there is more to changing than just this moment that you’re in.

Real change, meaningful change takes time.

Are the changes you are making ones that you can maintain over time? Are you setting yourself up to crash and burn, going full speed in the beginning and tiring out easily?

That’s Not the Plan

A migraine started it all. A headache that paralyzed me was the cause of my being in the exam room. And that is where it happened.

That is where I said “Good-bye” to a dream.

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This man with medical expertise that I trust implicitly tells me I need to have surgery. A surgery that will mean no more children. Ever.

Now, I’m a smart woman and I know that, in all honesty, 36 and above is not the most ideal time to have a child. And I have two beautiful children that fill me up 10x over.

So what is this emotional reaction? It’s the laying down of a dream, a hope that I’ve been holding out.

You see, as much as I love my children, I never wanted to be a single mother. Most days I still don’t. No one wants to do this alone.

And, on some level, my every day life is riddled with cryptic reminders that I wasn’t enough. I faltered. I fell short.

I want to enjoy this experience of motherhood with the loving father of my child by side. My partner.

It’s every girl’s dream. Right? And now I’m putting it up and letting it go.

But what I’m realizing in the process is that His plans are bigger and better than mine.

I am finding a place in an incredible community, able to encourage other women who are also single mothers.

That walk, that connection, wouldn’t be the same if my story was anything less than what it is. There is a vulnerability that comes when I know you’ve been where I’m at and you understand and you aren’t here to judge me. I’m meant to be that person for other women.

Yes, it hurts sometimes. Like so many other things women go through, being a single mother is something that you can’t ever really know unless you know firsthand, you know?

And, yes, I am grieving a dream lost and celebrating a purpose realized all at once.